From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
