i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
