Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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