my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
