I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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