Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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