dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
