i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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