you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
