I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
