But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
