Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
