I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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