The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
