After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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