i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
