"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
