ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

  Fav 18 1204 2551

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...

  Fav 12 1427 4006

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  hello competition

  Fav 18 1976 5077

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo everyone went to the hospital last night

  Fav 22 2254 5080

  share tweet
  

• (763): View more from Minnesota

  He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.

  Fav 11 1565 6109

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.

  Fav 10 1407 3232

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (616): View more from Michigan

  I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...

  Fav 18 1844 846

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk

  Fav 3 1247 965

  share tweet
  

• (289): View more from Ontario

  This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.

  Fav 4 1126 682

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.

  Fav 3 1064 603

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.

  Fav 1 805 493

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.

  Fav 1 666 456

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.

  Fav 0 683 478

  share tweet
  

• (972): View more from Texas

  There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.

  Fav 2 277 262

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (432): View more from Texas

  At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba

  Fav 1 19 33

  share tweet
  

Randomize