dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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