So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The adults are the big ones right?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
