So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
