I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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