you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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