I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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