Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
