Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
