haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
