That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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