at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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