Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
