I need to stop coming to work sober
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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