I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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