Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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