**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
