His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
