haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
