The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
