I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
