When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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