i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
