I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
