Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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