I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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