his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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