you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
