he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
