He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
