We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
