Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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