I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
