so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
