i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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