I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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