im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
