u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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