I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
