sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize