THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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