I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
