Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
