Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
