I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
