Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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