i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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