either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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