I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
