AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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