Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
