i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
